I am worried.
Worry clouds my mind and chokes all thoughts of happiness – both for today and tomorrow. I lay in bed and worry with a worry broken only by a few short moments of nightmare plagued sleep.
OK. Maybe I am not that worried. I do though have a semi-grave concern about the demise of Hostess. I have a ….. fondness for Hostess products. Indeed this fondness has helped create the man I see today as I stand in front of the mirror or on the bathroom scale.
Now, I know that some savior bakery will take up the cause of the golden, creme filled Twinky. I also believe with all my heart that the chocolate creme filled Cupcake and the frosted chocolate delicious hockey puck known as Ding Dongs and the twirling pinwheel confection of chocolate and creme, the Ho Ho will all similarly be resurrected.
However what about their pies? Most especially their apple pie, my most favorite of the proud and delicious Hostess products, what of them?
I love their apple pies with its perfect ratio of filling to crust; so unlike its competitors whose ratio is skewed to too much crust and not enough filling. And the filling, the filling, oh the filling! The filling filled with taste beyond all its competitors – full fruity, and oh so satisfying. And with so many apples I could make myself believe that it was indeed a healthy treat.
Yes, I am indeed a worried man, for while I have heard of the likely resurrection of the Twinkies, the Cupcake, the Ding Dong, and even the Snowball and the unfortunately named Ho Ho (I have always wondered what would happen if a Ding Dong met up with a Ho Ho and if it would be legal – oh, that such profane thoughts should cross my mind in the midst of this crisis! I am ashamed); I have not seen one word either in print or in electrons about their pies. Not one.
My stomach grumbles, shaking my body, and cries out NOOO!!!!
Alas, its cries fall into a cold, uncaring void.
But in the midst of my worry, hope still lives; feeble, flickering, but still alive.
However, should the worse happens and the Hostess Apple Pie is truly doomed to oblivion, well, I am working on its obituary even as tears cloud my vision and the wail of my stomach makes it difficult to type the correct keys.
A poem it shall be, this obituary. An ode, the “Ode to a Fallen Pie”.
I pray that I will never have to finish it.
Bad Atheist 